6 week update

9/17/09 6 weeks

Dr appt update from his 6 week check:

13 pounds, 6 ounces and 24 1/4 inches

What a big boy! (95th percentile)

I was happy to hear that his clavicle is completely healed. He never seemed to have any pain, so that was always reassuring.

I love his little smiles these days! I think he smiled very early! From birth he did sporadic smiles that were probably 'gas' as they say. But as early as his 2nd week he began to make more smiley facial expressions interactively. By 4 weeks he was giving us his adorable, full-blown smile. He has become a lot more social, though, in the last week or two. I love it! I love babies!!! He's so precious!

Soaking it all in!

This is such sweetness!

My sleeping baby:

and his quiet little smile when he gets a mommy kiss!

Awww!!!! I love life!!!!! lol

And here is a cell-phone-photo of Jake during a swim lesson. He is so cute!

This pic was taken last week after I was ignoring my boys for a few minutes while I was on the phone... I glanced over to see Austin (gasp!) standing up!!!!!! Here's how you know he's my 2nd & not my 1st: instead of running over there to protect him from falling, I instead ran and grabbed my camera! (P.S. he did fall, and luckily I was right there to 'ease' the fall a bit. he's learning quickly to stick his butt out and land on his bottom. he's now crusing & is the most happy when he's standing upright)

Here's some family time at the park, and (below) another development in Austin's amazing little life. His military scoot is progressing into a crawl! He's so strong, already trying to stand up without holding on to anything! I'm curious to see when he'll walk. It seems all of these (movement) milestones are coming up really quickly!!! While some of the others, like sleeping, ahem!, are taking a bit longer!

Below is a sweet brother picture, but Jake isn't pictured. You can see the interaction, though. So cute! These boys are so cute, I love watching them interact together. Jake likes to make Austin laugh. Austin likes to watch Jake's every move. We're teaching Jake about sharing and taking turns, and I have a feeling this will be a process that spans over the next many years!

P.S. I know the pic below looks shocking. I *know* because when I glanced over & saw him perched on the edge of the boat, I almost gasped! But then they explained that the bar of the railing was between his legs so he couldn't fall in, and Grandpa had his hand on him almost the whole time. I had to explain that so you don't think he was just balancing there!

So often I feel tired and sometimes I even feel bothered by the constant pulling of my pant legs when I'm trying to get my ever-important things done. I get trapped in a self-seeking spot where I feel like "me-time" is so important. And then I am brought back to my senses. These kids... they are precious. And I am absolutely honored & humbled by the opportunity to be their mommy every.day. I take such joy in this position, and have been seriously thinking about my highest (& most lofty!) goal, which is to teach these sweet children about God. And by the realization that they learn through watching how I live out my life, not necesarily by what I tell them. When I 'mother' them, when I discipline them (or withhold discipline and instead comfort them through it), am I reflecting God's grace? That is my goal! Do I maintain a positive outlook in life? Do I seek God first? These are thoughts that I want to keep in the forefront of my mind.

I once searched for parenting and discipline books, which was an overwhelming task in itself, and in the midst of piles of books, I felt these words in my heart: Just Love Them. Just Love Them! Those words soften my heart & bring clarity to my mind in times of frustration.

These are just some of the goings-on in the R household and my ramblings. I'm trying to soak in all of this. My baby's soft skin & baby rolls, the boys' laughter, Jake's little voice as he pronounces new words and strings together little sentences. I want to hold on to every second! The years go by so fast and I don't want to forget any of this or take it for granted. Ahh, my cup runneth over!

So enough mushy stuff.

Here's awarding some "good-mommy" points for taking the boys to the pediatrician for their well-checks. haha I went to my old Doctor, and it was soooo refreshing- he is so wonderful!!! So here are the updates:

Jake (25 months)

Wt: 25 lb, 8 in (20%)

Lgth: 35 1/2 in (75%)

Head: 49 cm (50-55%)

Austin (9 months)

Wt: 23 lb, 1 oz (90%)

Lgth: 30 1/2 in (97%)

Head: 45 1/2 in (65-70%)

Sectoral Heterochromia Iridis

It's called Sectoral Heterochromia Iridis. That's all I know!


(enlarge the photo & you'll see what I'm talking about.)

His left eye is mostly a lighter grayish/hazel with the upper right quarter being brown. His right eye is mostly brown, but the *very* outer upper&lower rim is that same gray/hazel color, not seen here, but a little evident in the last of the pics below.


When I mentioned to the pediatrician that I thought Austin had different colored eyes, he said (without a glance at me or baby), "well, you would know, since you're the one who sees him every day." When I picked up my jaw off the floor, I asked, "well. is this something I should be concerned about?" And his answer was... (brace yourselves)... "there's a really pretty actress who has that, who was it? oh, yah, Kate Bosworth."


...that's it.

Are you kidding me!?!
Okay, M.D.
Thanks for a whole lotta nada!


I have high expectations, and possibly slightly higher for him, since he's a world renowned pediatrician and all, but this response was unacceptable for any pediatrician, period. I'd rather hear an, "I don't know," which, by the way, I did hear more than once. "I don't know" is good, it's honest, it's human. But empty promises to find out or to "think about it" are just plain unhelpful & non-reassuring!

I am not concerned about what it "looks" like. I want to know if HE is okay. You know? There is a handful of syndromes that include this as one of the characteristics, and although for the last 4 months I've been assuming that it's just a little genetic fluke (which is possible)-- Today I've, once again, allowed a little maternal worry in. I want to KNOW he's okay.

So despite all the reassurance I've given myself, and the doctors lackadaisical attitude about it. Despite the absence of anything that would cause me to believe that he's anything other than perfectly normal. I'm here thinking about & researching it again, and this time I ran across a website that actually says that the baby *should* be tested by an opthamologist and pediatrician, and possibly by a geneticist. Hmph! Kate Bosworth...


To be fair, even though I was thoroughly disappointed by many aspects of our office visit, his brother majorly redeemed their practice at our subsequent visit, & he's the one I'll be seeing from here on out. I've been debating whether or not to post this, because I don't want to berate anybody. Thus, no names are mentioned. And if you guess, well, I'm not really that concerned. I'm mostly shocked by the bedside care we received!


P.S. Here's a picture of Austin in normal lighting. You really have to look, and in pretty direct or bright lighting, in order to see the discolorations.


This is the *first* time I've gotten a picture of the actual details in the last 5 months, if that tells you anything. I can't even answer the question I know they're going to ask me... was this present at birth? I truly have no idea! I didn't even notice it until my niece was holding him around Christmas-time, and she said "Woah, his eyes are so strange!" I didn't think anything of it, until the next day when I looked and went, "WOAH!" Some mom I am! Wasn't I gazing into his eyes and admiring his every feature in those first two months?

The (1 a.m.) rant of a mommy's mind...

My boy, Austin, is officially the BIGGEST 5 month old I've ever heard of. And, for the record, I'm totally fine with it (as are the pediatricians). I'm not sad or happy or indifferent or concerned. (Now that numerous pediatricians have negated all my previous concerns!) I honestly don't think much about it. He's just my Austin, healthy and cute as a button, and perfectly Austin, just how God made him. --> He eats no more than any other baby. <-- That sentence (and maybe the little forementioned mention of pediatricians!) is/are the only explaining I'm allowing myself in this post. Because even though I know that he's fine and that I didn't do anything to cause him to be so big (& that it's also fine healthwise), don't we always feel the need to explain ourselves to others & make sure we look okay in their eyes?

With my first baby, AKA Jake, I was offended by many harmless comments others made about him. I took it all personally. You couldn't tell me my child was big or small without me wondering if maybe people thought I was doing something wrong or that my baby was too big or too small. 'Why else would they be telling me this?' I thought. Knowing full-well in my heart that he was perfect & I was doing a good job with him. But whatever they thought was important to me. They need to know I'm a good mom! Believe me, I would get strangers telling me "he's so big" and "he's so small" all in the same shopping trip! I came to realize that it had nothing to do with the actual size of my baby, but more to do with their own experiences. And, most of all, that people simply love babies and just enjoy thinking about & talking about all the babies in their lives and comparing those precious ones to the other precious ones they encounter... completely kind-hearted and natural.

So, I'm SOO thankful that I'm not easily offended by these things anymore. Who has time or energy for that?!? And I'm also so glad Austin's not my first, because I get a gazillion more comments, and blatent comments at that, than I ever did with Jake! I would probably have LOST IT if that first-time-mom-oversensitivity was coupled with a baby who was truely a chunka-lunka-lunka-lunk!

He is just SO BIG! Most of the I time just agree, because there's no argueing. He's a chub! A little rolley-polley bundle of pure & amazing joy! I mean it, have I said he's big? It's true!

That said, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I get rubbed the wrong way. (It's happened two times, to be exact. And, just so nobody gets afraid to speak around me, both times were medical-office-personnel.)

It starts out as a normal harmless comment-- but when they see that I'm just nodding or laughing it off in agreement, they feel the need to say it again in a different way, and again, and again... as if my reaction isn't what they're aiming for, or they are trying to, discreetly, get some point across that I'm just not getting. And in the end, I want to just ask them to just say what they are really trying to say! Do they want to ask me something? Or tell me something? Because I'd be more than happy to answer or hear their concerns! I love talking about breastfeeding & my boys & medicine & milestones & parenting & whatever else anybody wants to chat about! I'm also open to learning & will research almost ANYthing even remotely suggested as applying to me or my family. (Because that's just me.) But most of all, I would love to clear up whatever misconception they have that causes them to look at me that way as they comment for the FIFTH time about what I'm feeding him and how he must have doubled in weight in the last TWO days, or that causes them to whisper when I walk away and stop talking when I come back for my dropped pacifier (with a fleeting look of panic & mutual sidways glances.)

So yesterday's office visit wasn't even near as bad as the forementioned incident, (which, btw, made me feel a bit sad & shocked. I didn't think we were anything to talk about, especially by these girls who I thought were so amicable.) But the nurse yesterday really wanted to tell me something:

RN: WOW! You are a BIG boy! HOW old is he!?!
Me: Just about 5 months
RN: WOW! He's certainly healthy!
Me: Yah! (laugh)
RN: Hmm... I think he's definitely getting enough to eat, isn't he!?
Me: Yep- (again, polite laugh, or maybe it was just a quiet "hmm" made to sound like a laugh)
RN: Breastfed?
Me: Yes
RN: EXCLUSIVELY!?!?!
Me: Yep
RN: Wow... I guess he has that DOWN!
Me: Yep (probably yet another polite laugh)
RN: Hmm... Off the charts.
Me: What's the percentile?
RN: I don't know, haven't charted it yet. But your mama certainly does know how to feed you, doesn't she, big guy!?!
Me: (must.be.polite. but i do certainly know how to pick up on passive-aggressiveness, don't I?!?)
RN: Off the charts... What are you feeding this boy!?!
Me: surrendering to my inner need to prove myself as a capable mommy, the explanation spilled out of my mouth... "I know! (laugh) He doesn't eat any more than any other baby, I don't know why he's so big! He only eats (blah blah duration/frequency)... my oldest son (yada yada yada)..." I'm omitting the rest and have resolved to stop the madness!

I have nothing to prove! If she wants to think I force-feed my son sugar cubes & lard, she can!
And, most importantly, there is nothing wrong with my baby.

Now go back and read my first paragraph so you know that I'm really not that bothered by any of this. Just rambling about the two girls who rubbed me the wrong way!

Even so, maybe it's just me. I have said before & I'll say it again... Mommyhood isn't for the faint of heart!

Today one of the lactation educators that I work with said to a new momma that you aren't a mommy until you cry, & I add that you're also not a new mommy until you blame yourself or get overcome with worry over one thing or another. (Usually a small thing.) It just goes with the territory.

These are the little things. They make me laugh.

They make me happy- especially the connection they have given me to so many other women who are mothers and who, though I used to think were so different, are truely all the same.

Maybe if we didn't always feel like we had something to prove, maybe we could even be closer. We could share our inadequacies or fears or tears more readily. AND we could actually say or ask what we want to, too! How much more supportive could we be for others who could be so much more than strangers to us, if we would just be real with ourselves!

So now you know, one, that my house is messy (though I did have my niece come help me so I could get some major cleaning done, yes! it's actually nice around here, but not in the closets, no sirree!), and two, that I am a recovering people-pleaser.

(P.S. Sorry for not being very gracious to the RN, who could very well have been just making small talk... Megan needs a lesson in giving others the benefit of the doubt!)

Oh, forgot the stats. At 5 months,
96th percentile, at
20 pounds! {{gasp!}}
27 1/4 inches

Wowzers Yowzers! I love me some rolley baby chubs!

Chiropracter Scans

So I lied! I didn't quite do the "wordless wednesday" ... Because when we got back from the chiropracter with our re-evaluation results, I was too excited not to share them!!!


My printer/scanner is unplugged (we got a new computer, so haven't set it all up yet), so this is a photo of the results printout.

Basically, the bottom scan was the first one. This shows the location and severity of nerve blockage. Red is the worst (severe), Blue is moderate, and Green is mild. Although the improvement we've seen speaks louder than these scans, it was still nice to see it in the scan! So now we scale down from three times per week to once per week. Yay!!!

P.S. My last bit of good news for the day: Daisy has gained 10 pounds in the last 2 months!!! She is on my mind soooooo much, and it makes me feel a bit more at peace knowing that she's gaining weight, therefore doing much better. That's all I'm going to say about that right now. I love my girl.

To Vaccinate or Not to Vaccinate?

{{{Warning: this is a LONG post about vaccines...}}}

Tonight I stayed up late again, but doing something productive. I spent 120 minutes watching (& taking notes on) a DVD about vaccines. (It's called Vaccines - What CDC Documents and Science Reveal - Dr. Sherri J Tenpenny)

I borrowed it from Austin's chiropracter (along with a book called The Sanctity of Human Blood: Vaccination not Immunization by Tim O'Shea) .

I feel that it's clear what I need to do now, and I actually feel a huge knot in the pit of my stomach for all the vaccines that Jake has already had in his whole 18 months. It's unnerving. (?)

I watched this DVD with hesitance because I knew that it would shake my paradigms. I researched vaccines when I was in nursing school, but of course, that's nursing school. The medical community is sold on vaccines. I was too (sorta). Part of me always felt hesitant and even wrong about it, and that is the part of me that I was always convincing. Our vaccine schedules are out of control. Come on! Why do we need to vaccinate against all these things? Chickenpox!?! That is absolutely doing more harm than good! Now we're going to see more adults getting chickenpox (which is more dangerous) *and* shingles outbreaks! But the biggest argument I told myself in support of vaccination (besides the echo of my professor's voice in my head, praising vaccines and demeaning those parents who 'put their children at risk' by refusing them) was that "SO many people do it, and they're all fine." But the truth is, we don't know if they are. Why are autism, asthma, excema, cancer, etc increasing at alarming rates? This question has led me to seek natural products and organic foods, but my weak supportive stance on vaccination didn't budge. Until now, and it's simply wavering, a lot. I'm at the point where that small voice is now shouting- and I will definitely postpone any vaccines until I further research. I have to thoroughly research and read from "both sides."

They say there is no PROOF that vaccines can cause autism or any of the other forementioned disorders/diseases. But these epidemic increases in 'diseases' have coincided with the increase in vaccines given (see schedule stat below) and that says something to me. If nothing but a red flag, it's still not to be ignored. So we're supposedly preventing a bunch of relatively benign and/or extinct diseases, but is it possible that we're causing all these other devastating epidemics (ex: autism)? Maybe we're putting our children more at risk by vaccinating than we would be by refraining. I know for a fact that this is the case with the Pertussis vaccine (according to the CDC).

In 1985, kids got 17 vaccine antigens by age 6-months and 33 by the time they start school. NOW kids get 51 vaccine antigens by age 6-months and 77 by school age! (P.S. Not 77 shots, but 77 antigens... they combine them)

Anyways, I thought the main issue with vaccines that I was going to grapple with tonight (besides the idea of injecting foreign contaminants into a baby) was the thimerasol. My doctor already told me that his MMR is thimerasol-free. But, HOLY COW! Have you ever heard of Vaccine Viral Contaminants? It's totally shocking! Enough to convince me!

The reason I had to stay up late doing this *tonight* is because tomorrow is the 18-month appointment where I "promised" my doctor I would finally let him give Jake the MMR. (Was supposed to be at 12-months, but I refused at the last 2 appts, out of sheer fear!) And it's also Austin's 10-week appointment, where he's supposed to get his first vaccines (a total of 4 shots: DTap, Ipol, HIB-HepB, and Prevnar... that's a LOT more antigens because at least 3 of those 4 are combination shots!)

At this point, I truely don't want to deal with the doctor tomorrow and the pressure (see previous post, about how he's my colleague, etc), so I think I'll just cancel their appt and make one with Dr Sears in the meantime. I need to be ready if I'm going to face him with another refusal because last time it didn't go as planned. I managed to refuse the MMR because I was adamant, and not without a guilt trip, but after that fiasco I ended up not speaking up when they fanagled the chickenpox vaccine into the schedule without warning! And what I learned, as I went out to the car and cried in the parking lot because I allowed my voice to be silenced (because I felt that I had already caused too much of an issue about the MMR and didn't want to be a "problem" patient), was to be strong and BE the advocate for my babies! I felt very strongly about the chickenpox vaccine and I allowed myself to be bullied into it! And it's not my own health affected, it's my sons! (Which makes it even worse!)

Anyways, I'm asking questions. I'm remaining open. Being a parent is such a huge responsibility-- some of my decisions are driven by fear and 'what if'. I've rationalized doing (or not doing) things by the thought: "If something happened, I would never forgive myself." I didn't allow myself the glass of wine during pregnancy that we are "allowed", I vaccinated Jake, I didn't work-out to prevent another irritable uterus/preterm situation, I'm putting Austin on his back-to-sleep to prevent SIDS despite the "flat" spot on his head... We do everything we can to protect our kids. The "what ifs" in life are sometimes scarey, but definitely not something to dwell on. I have to keep myself in check, and remind myself that God is in control and we don't need to live in fear. My children are in His loving hands. (sigh) It's like a breath of fresh air, such a relief!

Though I can't deny that the issue of vaccination is a hard one. Because the 'what-if' fear can apply to either side.

Anyways, I totally welcome any thoughts or references (for either side). I plan on reading more on the subject. I *knew* I would feel this way if I watched that video! But I'm so glad I did. There are more issues to consider than I originally thought. I'll leave you with a quote (off the top of my memory... I may get it wrong but you'll get the point-)

If BinLaden dropped a whole slew of Hepatitis, Polio, Smallpox, Rubella, and Pertussis over our country, we'd be screaming "biological warfare!" Yet we have no problem injecting our babies with them every day.

Ugh!

*~*~Hearts Full and Overflowing~*~* Look at us... our hands are full, our house is messy, and you can see a bit of sleepiness in all of our eyes... but we truely couldn't be happier. I feel so undeserving of the abundant blessings we've been given. I know it's a silly statement-- the idea of "deserving" anything, especially knowing that we've been given nothing based on merit, {but I believe, by grace}-- but still, I find myself sometimes thinking 'What did I do to deserve this, How could I possibly have come into such a precious circumstance/life?"

Anyways, my house full of my boys, it makes me smile! So that's it for reflections. I was prepared for chaos, and we haven't really had more than a couple brief <-fleeting-> moments of chaos. Our home has actually been very PEACEFUL, and what an amazing surprise and blessing that has been!

I had to include a picture of Austin in one of his homemade diapers, since I was so super excited to "test-out" my handiwork. This is the blue "camo" one I made at my mom's house. It did *everything* it was supposed to do! Contained big breastfed-baby messes, which is all I could ask for. (Besides the super-softness of cotton against my sweet baby's skin!) I was so excited to take him home and start using my new baby stash!

For the record... {since I tend to update my babybooks months later based on blog entries & notes written in margins of calendars}

Austin's birthweight (at 1503 on 11/2) 7-6

Weight at discharge (at 2430 on 11/4) 6-15

Today's weight, at his 1st Dr appt. (at 1130 on 11/5) 7-4

Healthy checkup, Bilirubin (jaundice) has come down, milk is in, & he's perfect!

And LAST... the birth everyone keeps asking about! Promise I won't write a lot... trying to tame my rambling! Let me just say it was SOOO much faster than I had expected!!! And of course beautiful, awe-inspiring, powerful, you know how I feel about birth, there are no words!!

My water broke at 0600 and he was born at 1503-

9 hours total, when compared with Jake's 39 hours!

This time I pushed (gently) TWO times, and with Jake I pushed (hard!) for TWO hours!

No tears (or episiotomy) either time, & both babies were essentially the same size. Jake was 39 3/7 wk and Austin was 37 2/7 wk.

Oh, this is the greatest part... I went from 5cm to 10cm in 45 minutes!!!! Isn't that amazing!?! I was just discussing with the nurse how my back was super uncomfortable & I couldn't find a relaxing position, so I was asking for a hot compress for my back- and she said "I think you're complete!" I told her that would be great, but there was no way, because I was just 5cm less than an hour ago. She said NO, you are ready! And I was! Amazing! I gently "breathed" him out in-between birthing waves (contractions), and I was in such a comfortable position that I was able to see everything- I watched him come into this world and greeted him right on my tummy. I couldn't have asked for a better birth. And it couldn't have been more different than my last one (which I also LOVED.)

PS jake doing great w/ bro... nsg now & then bedtime- thnx for all the congrats!

Pediatrician Appt...
Quick update! The appt went well. In the last 6 weeks, Jake has gone from 19lb5oz to 21 lb. (From 10th percentile to the border of 15th & 20th percentile!) He had been sick and then teething before his last appt so his weight was probably down from that. But the doctor was concerned that he was going down in the percentiles consistently and wanted to make sure he didn't continue and fall off the chart. I don't think we've done very many things differently in the last six weeks, EXCEPT! I've been putting butter on his waffles/toast instead of yogurt. I used to not allow butter or mayonnaise but now I do, on the doctors advice. Jake LOVES it! I didn't want to start feeding him unhealthy food to gain weight though! I also started giving him more avocados- yummy! Just wanted to post the good news. No Pediasure for us! (Everybody, including the pediatrician, has said that he didn't look "skinny" at all! He's tall & healthy... but I didn't like the 10th percentile either- too close to the bottom!)

Our water baby~*
Jake is doing great- crawling around a ton and "cruising" on furniture. No walking yet! But we're okay with it, he'll be running around in no time I'm sure. He says new words and is so cute, but doesn't seem to use his newly-learned words on a regular basis. Yesterday he said "Daisy" for the 1st time, but won't say it again! Last month he (clearly) said "duck" (while pointing at his rubber duckie) but only said it for a few days but not any more. Is this normal!?!? I'm sure it is, most things that kids go through are normal!! But I get so excited about his new words, and then he stops using them... he's making a liar out of me! hehe I try not to worry about ANYthing if I can help it... Being married to a police officer has given me lots of practice with worry & surrender (& trusting God)... but I am still a first-time mommy! So every once in a while I get a little flash of worry-- is he supposed to be verbalizing more? It seems like most kids his age are. His 'babble' has even changed and gotten less complicated (not many word sounds or syllables anymore!) I think that maybe subconsciously, all my researching is affecting me! I've been reading about vaccines & autism because he was supposed to get the MMR at his last visit and I declined (much to his pediatrician's dismay). I'm sure we'll get it eventually, but I can't do it if I'm not sure. I need to make a decision that I'm comfortable with, and at this point I see nothing wrong with postponing the vaccine- he's already had enough stupid vaccines!!! And we haven't had any M,M,or R outbreaks in our area. Any thoughts on any of this??

Anyways, he is such a good & happy boy. We just finished his first 5-week session of swim lessons. He holds his breath and goes under water for 3+ seconds, kicks his feet, jumps in & turns to find/climb the wall (guided), and he's learning to float on his back but doesn't really like the feeling much. He LOVES the water, it's so cute!!! At his last appointment he weighed 19.5 pounds and was 30 inches long. His baby brother is doing great too~~ no name yet! I'll be 24 weeks this Wednesday (6 lunar months) and it's been a really easy pregnancy. I honestly forget I'm preggo most of the time, we're just having fun with our little family.

My niece, Alyssa, is visiting us for the week- we're having lots of fun doing girl stuff. A few weeks ago Jake got to meet his great aunt/uncle from Arizona. It was great to spend time with Ron & Chris (& the kids!)-- I love how families grow through marriage. I am happy to call these wonderful and kind people *my* family!!!

Hope everybody is doing well. My laptop broke so I lost ALL of my pictures from Jake's first year. I had already printed some of them, but the rest are gone! I'm so sad-- if you are family and you have any pictures from the last 6 months or so, let me know! I'm trying to get my scrapbooking & Jake's baby book finished before baby#2 comes! We're now back to using the OLD desktop but it's very tempermental & my pictures aren't really secure on it either (it's on the verge of crashing most of the time, and the CD burner won't backup anything anymore!) Yah, I know. We need to invest in new equip, but we're a little jaded at this point... the laptop was only a year old!

LOTS OF LOVE to you all!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There were a lot of things that I was going to write but then I got side-tracked while I was waiting for my pix to download. Well, I'll just post the pics for now & I'll come back to write! :) But I do have to say... I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BABY IS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's been an extremely amazing and blessed year! {sigh}

It's a BOY!!!!

So, I won't post the spread-eagle ultrasound picture, but suffice it to say that I saw *it* the moment the ultrasound panned down... I'm officially out-numbered, no question about it! So my shopping trip tomorrow isn't going to be as fun as I thought (no pink), but my wallet is going to seriously thank me!!!! That was going to be expensive, having a girl. I am in love with the idea of Jake and a little brother, but it also terrifies me that I may never get my girl. I was hoping to get it over with so I didn't have to wonder anymore. See, Kevin wanted 2 boys, and now he has them. As far as he's concerned, we could be finished having kids and he'll be totally happy. How will I ever get him to try for a girl!?! I have time to think on that one though. I am soooo not getting pregnant again any time soon!!! I just got used to the idea of being pregnant (last week!), and now I have this to wrap my mind around... a household full of boys! It'll be a great adventure. Honestly, from my human and most secret place in my heart, I was disappointed (though it's even embarrassing to admit it)... but for a second, and then I remembered how Jake is my STAR and I love him so much, and that God put this new baby boy in my life at such a "surprising" time and it was all destined to happen the way it is- and that does bring me joy. I'm so excited about this baby (finally!) It's a BOY!!! A precious boy!!!!
As long as I can stop re-living all the visions of the "its-a-girl ultrasound" that I was having!!! Why do we do this to ourselves!?! LOL And it's time to put on the BLINDERS when I walk into the baby stores... I forbid myself to look at the girl clothes! It's too dar n cute!

4 months ago today...

Heaven broke open ~ and our son was born! :)

The day Jake was born was the most amazing, powerful day in my life. We can't believe it's already been 4 months! I loved being pregnant, being in labor and giving birth. I can't believe that I only get to experience it a handful of times! I want like 5!!!

I've always believed in God, but there is no time that his existence is more evident than when you're giving birth to a child. I didn't do anything to create this baby (besides 9 months prior!), and I didn't do anything to give birth to him besides let my body do what it was programmed to do. That our bodies know exactly what to do (during labor & birth), that our bodies nourish this new life both inside and outside of the womb (placenta & milk production), and that babies bodies know exactly what to do (in the womb: which cells divide to become what; and after birth: heart valves closing, lungs emptying of fluid, first breaths, breastfeeding). It's not a coincidence, *we* are not a coincidence. (A big bang, a haphazard conglomeration of molecules). We are beautifully and intricately designed.

I am reminded of God's greatness every time I look at my son!

So on a different note... Jake's 4-month check up was great (minus the vaccinations!)- here are his new stats: (drumroll) 14 pounds 14 ounces, and 25 inches.

See pic (below) of us in the "secret beach hut" room of Coastal Kids (Dr Abelowitz's office).

P.S. this was supposed to be posted yesterday but I hit save draft instead! His 4-mo bday was 11/6.