First Camping Trip

Andrew 5 wk (4 5/7) 9/8/09



This was our first tent-camping trip since having kids. We went close to home just in case the nighttimes weren't going well, but it was actually great! We all enjoyed ourselves so much!!!

Andrew in the wrap... our favorite place!

Brother hugs, and ring-around-the-rosies



Jake & Andrew in the tent



The boys LOVED the tent!

The pictures below were taken 9/4/09. We just threw some food together and picked up a few bundles of wood for a BBQ/Bonfire down at the beach one night. It was Kevin's idea- I love that guy!!

Andrew & Kevin, Jake & Alyssa

9/4/09 Andrew is 4 weeks old here. (4 1/7)

What really happened last summer...

(This post, along with the last one, have been on my screen over 24 hours... they become long and jumbled when I do that, coming back whenever I get a few moments and adding more and more... so I've tried to make sense of it all and I separated them into two posts to make me feel a little better about the length & the rambling!)

Today marks my 6th year of marriage to my wonderful husband. I love him!!!

Of course, he is dove hunting right now. We go every year because our anniversary happens to fall on the opening day. He hunts (in the morning, done by the time I wake up), and then we all hang out by the river the rest of the time. It's usually such a fun trip, especially when we all used to stay in the hotel and bring boats. And before kids, when I could just sit in the river ALL DAY, for hours on end, fishing, sleeping, reading, swimming. After last year, though, I've decided to stay home this time.

Here is the untold part of last years trip. Since this incident isn't so fresh, I finally feel ready to reveal the rest of the story. I can actually laugh about it now. Please feel free to laugh with me. Though I will try to explain my rationale, I do know that I was a crazy lady.

So it was the hottest part of the summer. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with Austin, Jake was 14-months-old, and it was 112-117 degrees in Arizona. We were camping, staying in other people's RVs, & Jake wouldn't sleep. My blog post last year conveniently left out any negative aspects of the trip, but I was honestly miserable.

Imagine being (a very large) 7 1/2 months preggo in that weather. Now factor in the 14-month-old who was fussy in the night in someone elses RV on someone elses vacation, which made me feel incredibly intrusive & horrible, even though everyone was being so gracious & helpful. And the wonderful husband who was helpful sometimes, but mostly just relaxing. (P.S. I wasn't on my own! My mother-in-law is an angel & was extremely helpful, as always!)

The other part of the story, which was a big deal to me and probably the biggest deciding factor, was that the baby was always sweaty and very flushed, and of course over-tired, which worried the heck out of me, being a nurse and knowing that the young (and the old) are prone to dehydration & heat stroke. When we got home I read about a number of deaths that occurred that weekend because of the heat! Afterwards, I kept trying to justify our early departure by pointing out that there were absolutely no other people with babies in the campground. (For good reason, I believe.)

Kevin's parent's RV A/C wasn't working great so Jake was really hot & sweaty in there. And although his brothers A/C was good, I felt way too intrusive when staying there because he didn't sign up for a crying 14-month-old in his RV & all over his relaxation. He likes his naps & his sleep, and he should be able enjoy them.)

I must state, for the record, that Kevin and I had many conversations about this trip before even departing. I almost didn't go, but was feeling so much pressure that I finally decided to go. We drove separately (from the rest of the family) specifically so that we could leave if we had to. From the first day, I was sharing my concerns with Kevin & he told me he would support me no matter what I decided (to leave or stay). After two nights I was fighting back tears almost the entire time but couldn't get Kevin alone for more than a second to discuss.

The breaking point:

I think it was on day 3 (after 2nd night), I decided to take Jake to town in the air-conditioned car to get a Root Beer Float and think about it. This was my last-ditch effort at rolling with the punches. Making lemonade out of lemons. Whatever! And before I left, Kevin gave me one last plea that he wanted to stay but the reassurance that he would support me whatever I wanted to do. (He would not "allow" me to drive alone with Jake across the desert (as I requested) so I had to decide whether I wanted to 'ruin' his vacation and make him cut it short, or stay.)

Y'all know which one I chose, of course.

And why I candy-coated this vacation in my previous post, I have no idea. I think it's because I wasn't 100% comfortable exposing myself to this degree to Kevin's side of the family. My thoughts have changed in this department so drastically. My walk through Austin's colic among other things in his first months of life have brought me to a point where I had to be me, I had to expose myself and accept help, and in the process, realize that these people are one of the greatest gifts in my life. They have significantly helped me through one of the roughest years of my life and through it we have become a million times closer and more transparent with each other than we ever were. (At least I think so.)

At this time a year ago, though, I was still at the point where I was always trying to be the good daughter-in-law. I was so self-conscious and always wanting to fit-in and afraid that they wouldn't like me. Which is crazy because Kevin and I have been together since 1996!!! But anyways, the LAST thing on the face of this EARTH that I wanted to do was be the outcast jerk who ruined the trip!!!

But I did!!! And I was!!!

So back to the story. I called my mom from town & the moment she said 'hello' I started bawling so hard that I couldn't even talk. I don't think I've been that hysterical since grade school! I made my resolve to leave, and went to camp to break the news. And couldn't find my husband anywhere. Looked in all family member's RVs. Finally saw that he was at the rivers edge & didn't have the guts to go down there- plus didn't want to unload baby from the car to go tell him.

SO I actually became the crazy lady wife who packed.up.the.car (all of our stuff, Kevin's hunting gear, all the baby stuff, everything-- alone in the heat, being very preggo, through a zillion braxton-hicks contractions), and waved to Kevin from the road, baby in car seat and car running, saying, "we're leaving."

Oh, this went over so well.

Kevin wasn't happy, and he wasn't supportive at.all. He is a wonderful man. But he wasn't wonderful on that day. Nor was I, clearly.

People wanted to know what was going on, and he simply said, "Megan isn't feeling good. We're leaving."

Oh, I totally forgot to say that I was having lots of contractions! (But that was nothing new with either of my pregnancies! I had my Terbutaline in my purse, never had to take one, and they never progressed into true, active labor. I think I placed most of the blame on this, though, so I wouldn't have to explain everything to everyone and risk crying or looking crazy. Ha! But thankfully I didn't have to talk to anybody because they were all at the rivers edge.)

The absolute worst part was that I felt like Kevin's family would hate me. And given my deepest desire to impress them, you can imagine how difficult this was for me to throw myself in front of the train this way. (That's not the right figure of speech, is it?)

Of course, I imagined all the horrible things they must be saying about me in my absence. But nobody ever acted negatively towards me in the least bit! (Oh, except my husband, who barely said a word to me the whole way home. Ugh, it was ugly! We've never experienced anything like that as a couple, thankfully!) His mom even supported me when we talked on the phone & I finally explained my reasons, which I was incredibly thankful for and it lifted a huge burden off my chest. Oh, I'm so thankful that I finally realize that they love me for who I am, and through it all!!!! What undue stress I had put myself through for all those years!

Anyways, that's my story of a hormonal pregnant mommy becoming the crazy lady and ruining a little vacation. But I'm sure I would do the same thing again. I'm telling you, I was seriously LOSING IT. You would never know by the post I wrote last year, would you?!?

This is why I'm spending my anniversary today at home alone with my two babies. And we had a great day. And Kevin is having such a wonderful time in Arizona, and I'm truly happy for him! (I'd probably be a little bitter if we didn't celebrate early on our cruise... haha)

Of course he tells me the weather is NICE, 90's and a bit overcast. Oh well, I'm sure even though it's not hot and I'm not pregnant, I would still probably be sleep deprived & feeling guilty having TWO crying babies. Maybe next year. I vowed that I would never go again unless we had our own RV or stayed in the hotel. But now that I'm not putting so much pressure on myself to be "perfect", maybe I would actually feel comfortable asking for more help and saying that I'm struggling!

My 2nd family is so wonderful!!!!! I couldn't imagine not having them in my life.

Happy Anniversary to my truly wonderful husband, and to my incredible parents-in-law (& love)!

I love you!

OH NO! LOOK WHAT JAKE FOUND!

haha Today I was on my computer as Jake was playing... when all of the sudden he comes jetting towards me so excitedly, and I whirl around, shocked, to see him with a PACIFIER in his mouth!!! I have no idea where he found it, because he's been here with me the whole time... maybe behind the couch or something(?) Probably covered in dust-bunnies! He hasn't had one in his mouth during "awake-time" since he was a BABY, and we stopped putting him to sleep with one a while ago too- so it was a little startling to see him, WALKING(!), with a PACIFIER in his mouth again. He's such a little *boy* now, not a baby! But I thought it was pretty funny & cute too- that he found it, put it in, and was excited about it. He crawled and walked around for about 5 minutes with it-- pulling it out and putting it back in-- then threw it down to find the next adventure. I'm so glad this is not a familiar sight in my house though... he's too big for a pacifier! It did make me laugh.

FAMILY

P.S. I'm feeling all warm & fuzzy tonight! I'm so thankful for the family and love that Jake is surrounded by!!! Having family like this makes the prospect of having two babies so close together seem a lot more manageable. And actually tonight seeing my baby nephew made me excited to bring another *baby* into the mix! (I always love imagining the boys growing up together, but lately have been nervous thinking about the actual newborn part, having Jake and being alone most of the time, as Kevin works so hard for us so isn't around very much.) It's so unlike me to be nervous about this. With Jake, being pregnant, giving birth, and having a newborn was the most natural, awe-inspiring thing for me. I didn't have fears, I was in total bliss! (sleep-deprived bliss!) But the hormones this time around are messing with me, and I've been playing this tug-of-war with these emotions the entire pregnancy! Re-framing thoughts, trying to stay in a peaceful place and keep fears/misgivings at bay, ugh! It's NOT like me! But it is what it is! Everybody tells me that you won't be taking anything away from the first child, that your love doubles when you think your heart is already overflowing, and it's hard work but you get through it and everybody is fine. I know it's true, and I know that the baby is a gift from God and once he is here, I'll never be able to imagine life without him. I am meant to be this baby's mama! So all that, to say that tonight I am excited about our baby! I love babies and can't believe that we're going to have another one so soon, and it's going to be fun! (nursing again, first smiles again, the cooing and oh, yah, especially the many naps!) How wonderful to grow from a family of 3 to a family of 4!

Anyways, about my warm & fuzzies, the last few days we've been so lucky to have family close-by. Kevin's parents and his brother/wife/baby have all been beach camping at the beach about 5 minutes from our house. It's been so nice to drive down and hang out with them. I've always known how blessed we are to have such a wonderful family, but tonight it just hit me as I watched Jake with his grandparents. He is so lucky to have two sets of amazing grandparents who love him so much. It's so cool to see Jake so comfortable with them, and how much fun he has with them. (And them with him!) I just wanted to sit there and take it all in forever. He is so lucky! Blessed! {happy sigh} There's nothing like seeing happiness in your childs eyes!!!

MOMMYHOOD CRAZINESS

So, sorry for the long, rambling, random post, but it's about to get 'randomer'. Because all of this reflecting on family makes me remember something I said to Kevin lastnight, and I wonder if anybody else does this too. First of all, here's what lastnight was all about. I just have this fear that if I died, Jake wouldn't know my family since they live farther & Kevin's so busy, so lastnight as Kevin was trying to fall asleep, I had to make *sure* that he helps Jake to stay very involved in my family's lives. I made him promise that he would take him to family functions. And Kevin, exhausted and trying to sleep, was trying with as much enthusiasm as he could muster, to convince me that he would. I have to admit, it was the most sincere muffled "uh huh" I ever heard! He's used to my craziness!

Has anybody else ever done the "if I die" thing? I guess it's just a little quirk that I have-- I don't think about it a lot or anything, but part of mommyhood is making sure your children are taken care of. And I tend to take things a bit farther than others, so it's just a funny little mommyhood thing that I've been doing ever since Jake was born. Just on occasion!! It's become pretty funny. (Although Kevin always changes the subject pretty quickly after he says "okay honey" and we laugh, and then he doesn't want to think about it anymore.)

Here's how it goes-- As I'm going about my day-to-day routine, I suddenly feel the need to tell Kevin some little piece of information (that I obviously feel is very important), just to make sure he knows it in case something happened to me. It's a sudden thought... oh my gosh, Kevin doesn't know how to do this... he needs to know! And out it comes, before I know it: "Kevin, make sure if I die that you use this bottle brush to get the nipples clean,"... or "Kevin, if I die, make sure you remember that this thermometer is rectal and this one is oral/axillary", or whatever the important information happens to be. We always get a little laugh out of it! So maybe you *thought* I was crazy before, but now it's out!

Forgive the rambling, it's late and I'm tired and I should be sleeping!!!! Long day at Disneyland tomorrow {wrong night to stay up late!} - be prepared for some (hopefully) really cute photos! Have a beautiful day!

My nephew is here!

Welcome Baby Finn Agustus!!!!!!!My new nephew is perfect! Both mommy & baby are healthy and doing well. He was born this morning, 9/2/07 at 0513. 9 pounds even, 22 inches long, and as cute as a *button*!
Here are a few pictures from our annual river trip. We went to Parker, AZ and spent some time camping by the river. The highlight for me was visiting with Kevin's grandparents. It was also so much fun bringing Jake in the water- he *loved* the boats!! The weather was pretty nuts, 112-117! I think if I could have just stayed in the river 24/7, I would have lasted a bit longer!

P.S. Kevin and I celebrated our 5-year wedding anniversary over the weekend! Woo Hoo!!! In the first 5 years of our marriage we have lived in two different cities, rented an apartment for a year & then bought our first home, started & maintained jobs in our careers of choice, got a dog, and grown from a family of two to an (almost) family of four! What an amazing time we've had together! We can't wait to live more moments & years together and see what is in store for us in the future... it's fun to imagine!

Finally Fishing!!!

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For some reason, during my pregnancy I was consumed with two nagging desires... one was to go to Hawaii (understandable), and the other was to go fishing. I thought about it all the time, and asked Kevin at least 3-4 times weekly if we could go.

I've only been fishing a few times in my life, but I enjoyed myself so immensely every time! I had been asking for a pole for the last 3 years and finally got one for my birthday this past August... so last weekend I got to test drive it! Of course, as you can tell, we didn't catch anything (or else I would be posting pics of us showing off our fish!) But I had such an amazing time. To me there aren't many things more relaxing than fishing. Every time I've gone, I have felt the same thing... peace! I could sit there at the side of the river for hours. The sunsets in Arizona are *always* beautiful- and the night sky is amazing, I saw a zillion shooting stars! The other cool thing about fishing is the little waves of excitement when you think you feel a bite (or you think you will *any* minute!)... the excitement that reminds me of gambling- waiting for your winning card to be dealt. It really made my weekend. The whole camping trip was wonderful, but I have been thinking about fishing for so long now, that it was a very well-overdue fulfillment for me!

So beyond fishing, here are some other pics from the rest of our trip. It was such a great time, we didn't want to leave! Oh! One other major thing that happened while camping... Jake got to meet his great-grandparents for the first time!

Another (not-so-good) first, he got a mini-sunburn on his cheeks... bad mama!!! We fell asleep in the trailor for 2 hours, and we were under a window. The sun crept in while we were napping. Luckily it wasn't bad, just a tiny bit pink. (You can see those rosy cheeks in the pic below, with Auntie Danielle & soon-to-be cousin!)

P.S. the other pics... 1) Jake dipping his feet in the cold water, and 2) our "family picture"(below), with Jake in his 'river hat'!