God is in this.
There are no such things as odds in God's book.
(Excerpts & verse taken from a friend's encouraging message to me... thank you, Joanne!)
I'm not sure if you've heard it, but one of my favorite worship songs, "Shout to the Lord", was performed by the American Idol contestants a few weeks ago. The iTunes version is even 100% better than the live performance, so if you haven't already raced out to purchase it, it's TOTALLY worth the $.99!!! (P.S. Idol Gives Back is only on iTunes until May 10th)
Here's a video of the live performance, though. I loved it when I first heard it, but now that I have the iTunes version, it doesn't even compare. --Attempt to embed video-- Did it work?
The reason I'm bringing this up is because this song has been everywhere for me the last few days. Every time I turn on my iPod it comes on at least 2-3 times (yes, I have a lot of versions of this song on there, but I also have about 1500 other songs on there!) It plays on my computer playlist, it comes out of my mouth as I'm cooking, cleaning, driving, singing bedtime songs. I love it, and I'm just clinging to these words these days. So I'm going to write them. For me. And maybe for you, if you decide to read them.
Don't forget... that Idol version is so powerful! I get goosebumps (and sometimes tears) every time when Carly Smitson and Syesha Mercado belt out "I sing for joy!" And David Cook's "Forever I'll Stand" and "Forever I'll love you." It's just beautiful. Yes, I've put it on repeat a few times. And I also downloaded that amazing performance of "Please Don't Stop the Music" ... which went immediately to my 'workout' and my 'cleaning' playlists. ((I've been doing a lot of the latter, and not much of the prior!))
{end American Idol commercial}
Okay, here are the lyrics, for me.
"My Jesus,
my Savior,
Lord, there is none like You;
All of my days I want to praise the wonders of Your mighty love.
My comfort,
my shelter,
tower of refuge and strength;
Let every breath, all that I am, never cease to worship You.
Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing
Power and Majesty, praise to the King;
Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name.
I sing for joy at the work of your hands,
Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You."
(-by Chris Tomlin, I'm pretty sure. He writes everything!)
Just a few days ago I wrote in my prayer notebook (I think in response to something I read over at Mourning into Dancing, and then my Bible reading for that day (Matthew 8:1-22):
"Are you choosing to dwell on the "what ifs" instead of the "He cans" and the "He wills"? ... (omitted rambling, Bible readings, etc, ending with my crazy excitedness) ... He can! He will! He can heal! He will retore! He can protect! He will provide! He can hear! He will answer! ... (another omission)... You can and you will bring healing and peace."
That night and the night after, He did protect, He did answer. And now, more than ever, I'm seeking his PEACE (that surpasses all understanding, absolutely). Almost on a moment-to-moment basis.
{ETA (edited to add): As I was proof-reading, (yes proof-reading, yay me!), I feel it necessary to say, in case you don't know what the heck I'm talking about, that we're all fine and nobody is hurt or anything... It's just that the reality of my husbands job is kinda shaking my world right now... I just don't like to write certain keywords about his job on my blog, I'm scared of hackers. Well, my family is scared of hackers. I don't believe in them. haha There's *one* thing I'm not afraid of!! Back to scheduled programming...}
This morning's reading started with Matthew 8:23.
"...You of little faith, WHY ARE YOU AFRAID?" (v.26)
Don't ask me that! My mind floods with reasons to be afraid. Because of guns fired, because of my husband's life at risk, because of the horrifying thought of ever being without him, & of my kids ever being without him. That is why I'm afraid. That is why I'm certainly terrified at times these past few days.
"You of little faith, WHY are you afraid?"
My husband is here now. He provided His protection. GOD IS IN THIS. He answers, He alone is faithful, He protects. Our God is bigger than this!
I cannot be strong without God. I cannot face these things without my faith in Him. Everything is so topsy turvy right now, and God is my rock. I am the unfaithful one. I am the one who is wavering... looking to Him, seeking peace, and then the next moment getting lost in the fearful thoughts (with eyes wide as saucers, I'm sure, letting my imagination run free.) The next moment, battling the knots in my throat, tummy, heart, and setting my focus straight. Praise and thanks to the Lord, for his protection and grace. He is in control. Peace. Like I said, topsy turvy.
"My comfort,
my shelter,
tower of refuge and strength;"
Yes you've heard me say it a million times, (or twice), my children are in His loving hands. So is my husband. I think my life has a theme goin on right now. I got it, already! Well, I'm getting it. I just wrote last week "I need my faith to be stronger & greater" ... I wasn't exactly asking for an opportunity though.
If this is too much for you, I'm sorry! This is about as transparent as it gets, right? Very uncharacteristic of me. I also don't talk much about my faith, here or in-person. Except with family and close friends who share my beliefs or when the conversations go there, you know? It's just very personal to me, and I like it that way. I'm not "qualified" (I know, neither is anyone.) But I can't just post Bible verses without exposing myself a bit-- that I'm learning, that I waver, that I am not all together all the time. Not even the majority of the time! haha
So our worlds have been a-rocking over here. Of course, hubby is fine, it's just me who is getting all shaken up. He's prepared for these things. Not I. No, my coping mechanism has been to FORGET completely what he does for a living. I've seen him in uniform ONCE in the past 6 years. When he goes to work, he's simply at WORK and that's as far as my mind takes me. Yes, I told you I had it all together, didn't I? I'm all about
Enough rambling. Enough bearing of my soul. (Or is it baring? It does feel quite bare!) We're okay, we're gonna all be okay, we're good. We're actually really good. Our time together since his little incidents have been so rich and real and just treasured- My husband is strong but I see it's affected him. I see it in how he is with the kids and how he is with me. This has been a not-so-gentle reminder, a not-so-gentle (and absolutely unwelcomed)wake-up call. We have something great here.
